Moving out and Growing up

Its scary isn't it the way time just fly's by and how quickly the day goes by.
ive been thinking a lot about my life and my plan for life. i have two huge dreams, to travel and to have children. I want to travel the world and explore and have fun but my infertility issues have made a child a priority first. i know i can travel when im older and even with a child if we can save up enough. i want to travel Europe mostly, but after watching Louis Cole (funforlouis) on YouTube i want to see so much more. but im scared it will never happen. But our dream of a family needs to happen first.

in other news myself and my partner have decide to move out of our flatting situation and go out on our own. itll be tough financially but i think for my mental state and our relationship its needed im excited to have our own house and be able to keep it clean and organised and decorate it how ever i please. and to get into a routine and actually have decent meals and have my own space.

im excited and scared for our future but im sure we will make it and figure it all out along the way :D

Learning About PCOS.

I have been diagnosed since 2011, but in all honesty i think i have been in denial for a long time and i think i am finally starting to realize if i want to be a success story i need to change, i need to change my diet, i need to change my lifestyle for the better.

i have only recently started researching PCOS, when i was diagnosed i was told to lose weight, given metformin and i was sent on my way, i was 19 years old and deep into depression. at the time i didn't care i didn't see myself living past 22 anyway. Since ive received help for my depression its kind of been the last thing on my mind i felt like my mental heath was the most important thing. so a again didn't worry about it.

I am now 23 and still barely know anything about my syndrome, so 2015 will be the year i learn alot i will learn everything there is to know about PCOS, I will do everything in my power to become a success story :)

my day today has been an active one. i woke up at 6am to go fishing with my dad we caught 11 snapper and dredged for scallops and got 36!! later on in the day my mum and sister brought my niece and nephew down for a go in the boat and to play on the beach. i manged to get some awesome shots and have decided i need a go pro as my big fancy camera is to big and im petrified of breaking it somehow. 

I also meet up with a girl who contacted me on tumblr who also has PCOS, and by god she is so inspirational its crazy we had an instant connection. and the fact we happened to be in the same town was awesome. it was nice to talk to someone who gets it you know? like i find i cant talk to my friends about PCOS cause they don't know about it. they dot know what we go through. This Girl im going t call her T helped more in an hour then what my doctors have in four years. She has also inspired me about cooking and how eating low GI isn't all that hard and we can still have yummy foods. So im setting yet another goal! Once a week i will cook something totally new. and the recipes will be altered so they are low GI she even gave me a recipe magazine that has like 10-15 recipes i want to try already :D im so excited for this year. 

xoxo till another day!

My future

HEY GUYS!
so i've been mia for a few weeks i have been in a slump, i have been pretty stressed and basically i didn't have anything much to say.

It has been haunting me a lot lately as to what to do with my life, what my future holds ect, i joke around with my friends about us starting up a YouTube channel and every one is like yeah! its a really good idea lets do it, but we actually haven't even planned anything ect, and to be honest even tho it would be awesome i highly doubt we would make any money off it. so i have decided to apply to university, I have requested two packs, Education and Visual Arts, I do not know which one i am going to study yet, maybe both i am not sure, i am also not telling anyone except my best friend because i tend to get my hopes up over things and then they don't happen so no ones going to know until i am in and the move and everything is organised :)


UPDATES!

I dyed my hair pink! (which has now gone a gross yellowy color must fix that)

me my boyfriend and our friend went on a mini road trip to visit some friends

this random skate shop was in the middle of no where so we stopped to have a look

our night consisted of tons of alcohol and feeling like crap the next day.

but the puppies and the market made it all better :D

And here is something i found on tumblr that i think if your having a bad day/week/year or whatever and you dont see a way out you NEED to read this. 

1. Don’t shut down. You have to feel pain because once you turn it off, you can’t get it back. And then you’re left prying open your veins and breaking your bones, drowning in vodka, choking on pills, bleeding out, swallowing cigarettes, fucking boys who rip your heart out of your chest and slam it against the wall and then smile at you like you’re the prettiest thing in the room. It turns out that feeling nothing feels worse than anything else.

2. Cut him out of your life. It doesn’t matter how many times he called you beautiful and told you he loved you. I know he was a sweet guy but he’s not the same person anymore. He hurt you. He doesn’t deserve to occupy a thought in your head let alone drown you in your own tears. I know you loved him. Maybe you always will. But if you want to stay alive, you’ve got to let him go. Delete your old texts with him because baby I swear to god you will read over all the “I love you’s” and “baby girl’s” and you will crack your ribs with them.

3. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay slide down a wall in tears at three in the morning aching and screaming. If you want to sit on your bedroom floor with your head buried in your knees, tears spilling out of your eyes and filling the room up to your waist, do it. It doesn’t make you weak. You could never be weak. You’re alive and that’s the hardest thing to be. I’m so proud of you. Always.

4. Don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with. When you’re at a party and you’re sitting next to a boy who’s words are dripping with cheap alcohol and he’s grabbing your thigh and spitting liquor down your neck in sloppy kisses, push him off you. You don’t owe him anything. You’re not being mean or hurting his feelings. If you’re not okay, leave.

5. Don’t hurt yourself. If you think you feel shitty now, imagine how terrible you’re going to feel when you accidentally cut too deep and you feel your life spilling out of your wrists. I know you want to get rid of him and the heartbreak he left behind. I know you want to get rid of the numbness and the headaches and the shaky hands. I know you want to get rid of the pain. But when you’re lighting your skin on fire or tearing into your veins, you’ve got pain spilling out of your bones. But you’re dripping everything good too. You’ve got a tangle of outer space inside of you and you can’t lose the darkness between the stars without losing the stars too.

6. Save yourself first. I know you’re in love with a pretty boy who writes you poetry and slits your wrists. I know he falls asleep crying. But so do you. I know he’s your world. I know you’re in love. But you can’t be up at four in the morning talking him out of suicide when you’ve got six tests the next day. You can’t stop him from ripping his heart out when you’re still trying to figure out how to get yours beating again. You can’t save him. You’ve just got to love him with all you’ve got. You have to love yourself too.

7. Terminate toxic relationships. It doesn’t make you a bad person. You need to be self-preserving for once in your fucking life. When your best friend kisses the boy you would die for, stop sleeping on her floor when she calls you crying because she got her heart broken by a boy who’s name she couldn’t remember. When your father kicks you out of the house and tells you he wants you gone, stay gone. When your boyfriend comments on how much you’ve been eating and makes you feel guilty for feeling the world, delete his number. You don’t need people dragging you down. You don’t need anybody poising you. You’ve got enough pain already.

8. It gets better. I know right now you’re on the verge of killing yourself. You’re on the edge and you’re waiting for the fall. But there’s nothing good at the bottom, just a lot of broken bones and blood and sore throats. I know how much you want to die and I know how hard it is to stay but you have to. Because one day you’re going to wake up smiling. You’re going to fall in love and your heart will stay whole. You’re going to travel and swim in the ocean and you’re not going to pray that you drown. You’re going to go for a drive in the middle of the night and feel free instead of hoping you crash. You’re going to be alright.

”

Love Sammy! xoxo stay strong my loves 

Weekly overview.

This week as been pretty uneventful,
my boss has asked me to postpone my holiday by a couple of weeks as we are really short staffed so my hope of a ten day holiday is no longer getting me through the week. i am so over my job its not even funny.
I went shopping on Friday and scored 3 bras for $30.00 so cheap definitely going there again. and got some more bleach for my hair (hopefully the last time ill have to bleach it )
I took some photos for a friends wedding invitations that i should be working on right now but i just have no drive to do anything at the moment.
Im not to sure why either its just like a cloud i cant get out from under at the moment.
my birthday dinner is this Saturday and only one friend plus my boyfriend and my family can make it so im thinking of canceling it altogether. its also my nieces birthday party on the Sunday so everyone's efforts and thoughts are on that and most of the family cant make it two days in a row which is fair enough.

my best friend arrives from Australia on the 6th of june and i cant wait to see her.
other then that my weeks bee pretty boring and depressing. i dunno sorry this post is pretty lame i don't even know why im putting it up but hey.

here are some pictures from during the week

Shopping from Friday Bras from Rose and thorne (seriously if you live in Nz or Aussie check them out) hair bleach, and nak care shampoo and conditioner ( again if you have bleached hair use this stuff it is amazing) 

Wednesday was spent preparing for my nieces party next Sunday. shes turning 5 and her party is all frozen themed i will definitely have pictures of that for you next week.

I currently cant post photos of the photoshoot i did as the photos still have to be edited but i will post a few once ive edited them :)

keep breaking free xoxo Sammy

Living.

Today was so awesome yet so basic.
Myself and my sister went to the beach it was about 45min away and the drive out into the country side was just so nice and the sun was shining and the beach was so beautiful even though its coming into winter and the water was freezing just walking along the beach taking pictures was so relaxing. One thing you all have to do if your are in recovery is get outside and enjoy what the world has to offer. Life is so beautiful there is so much to see and do live a little :) explore that park down the road, climb the hill and watch the sunset you wont regret it i promise.
some pictures from today

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first time to see a jellyfish up close :)

So my lovelies if your struggling today take a walk! just go outside and breath in the fresh air instagram me you pictures of where you walk to #sami33ee :) id love to see them