the past week or so has been really bad ive just been sleeping all day and only getting up just before my parents get home at 4pm or if i have to go to work which at the moment is only 3 days a week, ive broke down and started crying twice infront of my family the first time it started because my 3 year old neice said she wasnt my friend anymore, i know it sounds stupid but at the moment little comments like that just start me off and i cant stop crying i know she didnt really mean it anyway the second time was after my dad had told me not to use my nail polish remover on the table because ill spill it and i just said i wont spill it and what did i do.. i spilt it and it took the varnish off of where it spilt so dad was all WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY blah blah blah and i literally didnt stop crying for like 3 hours.
my mum wants me to see a doctor and i know i need to but i hate doctors and they scare the shit out of me so i keep putting it off.
in other news i think im going to apply to go to uni, i dont want to work at burgerking forever and i think i really need to move out and start over. im going to apply to be and early childhood teacher i got in last year but turned it down as i got a job and wanted to save but that obviously hasnt worked out only working 3 days a week so ill just get a student loan and pay it back later.
still havnt heard from any of my friends i just feel so alone and need someone to talk to but i have no one.
anyway thats the update for now. xoxo