Monday, March 4, 2013

things are bad again

things where good for awhile, i hadn't self harmed or purged in over 5 months until everything came crashing down and there was no specific reason for it, they both happened within the same day i binged, i couldnt take it so i purged and then i cut as punishment. i had no control over it at all it wasnt until after it was all over that i realised what i had done, which of course set me off again. and now its back to multiple times a week for both. i cant seem to stop and part of me doesnt want to.
over the past two months i have managed to destroy every friendship i had, no one talks to me anymore. i sleep in till past midday, wake up and force myself o clean the house so no one suspects anything, im still managing to force myself to go to work too even though it is the very last place i want to be and i often find myself in the bathroom crying for no reason. im just so exhausted and have no one to confide in and i know i need to seek help i know that. but i cant bring myself to do it.

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